‘Smaller Pieces’ (A Pantoum)

The voices dance wildly to the song’s rhythm

Tun ca tunca tun ca tunca tun ca tunca

I rip a bite of lechón with my teeth and feel it get stuck in my throat

The music reaches a climax as Mami and Abuela notice

Tun ca tunca tun ca tunca tun ca tunca

The air won’t come in and all I hear is my heart pounding

The drums pounding— the music at its climax— and Mami and Abuela run to me

The fear hums in the air

The air won’t come in and all I can hear is my heart pounding

And my chest clenched tightly as I think of Tío Jorge

The fear hums in the air

Death always takes a seat at our dinner table now

My chest clenches whenever I think of Tío Jorge

Choking alone in a restaurant

Death always takes a seat at our dinner table now

“Please cut your food into smaller pieces,” Abuela begs again

She chokes on the name of Jorge

I wonder what he thought— where he is—

I felt a hand on my shoulder in a church in Jerusalem

My parents and I sobbed— choking on his name—

They felt him there too

I felt a hand on my shoulder in a church in Jerusalem

And that was the one time I believed in something because

They felt him there too.

I cough out the piece of lechón and feel a hand on my shoulder.